*I'm creating this list so I can remember years from now, what I'm going through right at this moment. It will be real, unedited, and uninteresting to the outside world.*
March 1st- Endocrinologist apt to confirm I will have to do RAI.
March 2nd- 1st day off Synthroid. Nothing has changed.
March 3rd- 2 days off still no change. A little more tired than usual but both kids are sick so it's a good day to stay in bed and watch movies all day.
March 4th- 3 days off and man am I tired! Kids are still sick so we didn't go to church. Another good day to just stay in bed and cuddle with my babies all day. This isn't how I expected life to be at this point in my life but any chance I get to just cuddle next to my kids and talk is good enough for me! I don't have the heart to tell them what is coming and don't plan to until I know the date for sure. Trying to think of fun activities they can do with my Mom and Ray so they don't worry about being away from me for 10 days. Rusty and Jess offered to let them spend the night one night so that will be fun for them.
March 5th- 4th day off and my entire body hurts. Nothing I do will take the pains away. I'm also having body temperature control issues. Took some Tramadol which calmed my insides down so I could rest. Insomnia hit me hard tonight. Glad Tony is taking the kids to school tomorrow so I can try to sleep in.
March 6th- 5th day off meds. My anxiety has gotten the best of me today. I just can't get my insides to calm down. My whole body is shaking. Took a Xanax and slept for 4 hours this afternoon. That felt really great! My skin is very dry, more than the usual Colorado dry. So dry in fact, that my comforter is black underneath and there are white flecks on the underside where I sleep. Like it has dandruff or something. I need some lotion better than the BBW stuff I have. My body just drinks that stuff up. Speaking of drinking, I've been SO THIRSTY today. I think I had about 10 giant classes of water. I finally stopped putting ice in it because that was making it harder to drink as fast as I needed to. Thanks to my good friend Melatonin, I fell asleep but I woke up 7 times and just stared at the wall. Having bad hot flashes that keeps me awake at night. Yay, that's so exciting! :P
March 7th- 6th day- I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I have no energy. Just walking up the stairs to my bedroom proves to be too much. I'm very nauseous. I have terrable eye strain and floaters, which is giving me a bad headache. It's too much to read a magazine and I have no desire to even watch tv (someone call Billy Graham) My stomach is upset and thanks to my no desire to move, I'm more than miserable. Today I'm going from hot to cold in the matter of an hour. So layers and baths are my escape today. Which of course, doesn't help my dry skin. I really can't imagine it getting much worse but I'm also afraid to even speak that into the world!
March 8th- 7 days. I can't move a single body part. I've never felt so bad in my entire life. I can't walk to the bathroom, much less go down stairs for anything. Tony is home today but he is really busy catching up on housework and kids homework so I'm trying to limit needing him as much as possible. I've slept all day because that's the only thing my body will allow me to do. I can't imagine how some people have to continue to work feeling like this. To top it off, I'm crying for no reason at everything. I don't even realize I'm doing it. Crazy right? Dear Lord, please help me make it through this. I've had a very long "come to Jesus" meeting with our Lord. All of this is in his hands and I trust the decisions he is making.
March 9th- 8 days- What a difference today is from yesterday. Got the call first thing this morning that my path report finally came in to the Dr's office so I'm set to have labs drawn this afternoon then I will call them on Tuesday and if my TSH is above 30 (no doubt it is) I will get the RAI NEXT WEEK! Getting out of the house was great. I didn't want go back home so we went to King Soopers and it felt like a whole different world. It's been that long since I went grocery shopping. I was grabbing and smelling everything! I felt like Crockadile Dundee when he left the outback and went to NY. Then we went to swimming lessons which proved highly entertaining for me. In the main pool, they called for a break like they do every 20 min in the pool, and this little girl, who was about 2 gets out of the kid area and starts walking and what is she holding in her hand?? A HOT DOG! Yep, she had gone swimming with a raw weiner. Now soak that in for a second and then I will move on......
Tell me, why in the world, would this child's mother have a raw hotdog in her pool gear to begin with? It's the Y. Not an outdoor pool where you can bbq. Anyway, it proved to be highly enjoyable for me!
March 10th- 9 days- I still am feeling very good. It's strange actually. I almost don't want to talk about it for fear it will go away. I do have a lot of anxiety today which I hate. Just this feeling of not being able to calm down your insides. So, I took Tony's advice to "pray, meditate, and medicate" then took a 3 hour nap. Saturday nights Tony works late so the kids and I get to watch a movie in bed and cuddle until he gets home. The kids fell asleep around 9 and I spent an hour just staring at them. I don't think kids are ever too old when parents don't just stare in awe at their sleeping babies.
March 11th- 10 days- I forced myself up to go to church this morning because I know I won't be able to go for a couple of weeks and I need it. It felt good to be out of my house and in the Lord's house. I just love my church. I love everything about it. Music - amazing, Preaching - amazing, alter call - amazing. Who wouldn't want to be there! After church my Mom and Ray took us to lunch. I haven't seen my Mom in over a week so I was due! I did more today than I have in weeks and my body feels it but still I'm not as bad off as I thought I would be. Maybe I was right, I couldn't get much worse than I already was.
March 1st- Endocrinologist apt to confirm I will have to do RAI.
March 2nd- 1st day off Synthroid. Nothing has changed.
March 3rd- 2 days off still no change. A little more tired than usual but both kids are sick so it's a good day to stay in bed and watch movies all day.
March 4th- 3 days off and man am I tired! Kids are still sick so we didn't go to church. Another good day to just stay in bed and cuddle with my babies all day. This isn't how I expected life to be at this point in my life but any chance I get to just cuddle next to my kids and talk is good enough for me! I don't have the heart to tell them what is coming and don't plan to until I know the date for sure. Trying to think of fun activities they can do with my Mom and Ray so they don't worry about being away from me for 10 days. Rusty and Jess offered to let them spend the night one night so that will be fun for them.
March 5th- 4th day off and my entire body hurts. Nothing I do will take the pains away. I'm also having body temperature control issues. Took some Tramadol which calmed my insides down so I could rest. Insomnia hit me hard tonight. Glad Tony is taking the kids to school tomorrow so I can try to sleep in.
March 6th- 5th day off meds. My anxiety has gotten the best of me today. I just can't get my insides to calm down. My whole body is shaking. Took a Xanax and slept for 4 hours this afternoon. That felt really great! My skin is very dry, more than the usual Colorado dry. So dry in fact, that my comforter is black underneath and there are white flecks on the underside where I sleep. Like it has dandruff or something. I need some lotion better than the BBW stuff I have. My body just drinks that stuff up. Speaking of drinking, I've been SO THIRSTY today. I think I had about 10 giant classes of water. I finally stopped putting ice in it because that was making it harder to drink as fast as I needed to. Thanks to my good friend Melatonin, I fell asleep but I woke up 7 times and just stared at the wall. Having bad hot flashes that keeps me awake at night. Yay, that's so exciting! :P
March 7th- 6th day- I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I have no energy. Just walking up the stairs to my bedroom proves to be too much. I'm very nauseous. I have terrable eye strain and floaters, which is giving me a bad headache. It's too much to read a magazine and I have no desire to even watch tv (someone call Billy Graham) My stomach is upset and thanks to my no desire to move, I'm more than miserable. Today I'm going from hot to cold in the matter of an hour. So layers and baths are my escape today. Which of course, doesn't help my dry skin. I really can't imagine it getting much worse but I'm also afraid to even speak that into the world!
March 8th- 7 days. I can't move a single body part. I've never felt so bad in my entire life. I can't walk to the bathroom, much less go down stairs for anything. Tony is home today but he is really busy catching up on housework and kids homework so I'm trying to limit needing him as much as possible. I've slept all day because that's the only thing my body will allow me to do. I can't imagine how some people have to continue to work feeling like this. To top it off, I'm crying for no reason at everything. I don't even realize I'm doing it. Crazy right? Dear Lord, please help me make it through this. I've had a very long "come to Jesus" meeting with our Lord. All of this is in his hands and I trust the decisions he is making.
March 9th- 8 days- What a difference today is from yesterday. Got the call first thing this morning that my path report finally came in to the Dr's office so I'm set to have labs drawn this afternoon then I will call them on Tuesday and if my TSH is above 30 (no doubt it is) I will get the RAI NEXT WEEK! Getting out of the house was great. I didn't want go back home so we went to King Soopers and it felt like a whole different world. It's been that long since I went grocery shopping. I was grabbing and smelling everything! I felt like Crockadile Dundee when he left the outback and went to NY. Then we went to swimming lessons which proved highly entertaining for me. In the main pool, they called for a break like they do every 20 min in the pool, and this little girl, who was about 2 gets out of the kid area and starts walking and what is she holding in her hand?? A HOT DOG! Yep, she had gone swimming with a raw weiner. Now soak that in for a second and then I will move on......
Tell me, why in the world, would this child's mother have a raw hotdog in her pool gear to begin with? It's the Y. Not an outdoor pool where you can bbq. Anyway, it proved to be highly enjoyable for me!
March 10th- 9 days- I still am feeling very good. It's strange actually. I almost don't want to talk about it for fear it will go away. I do have a lot of anxiety today which I hate. Just this feeling of not being able to calm down your insides. So, I took Tony's advice to "pray, meditate, and medicate" then took a 3 hour nap. Saturday nights Tony works late so the kids and I get to watch a movie in bed and cuddle until he gets home. The kids fell asleep around 9 and I spent an hour just staring at them. I don't think kids are ever too old when parents don't just stare in awe at their sleeping babies.
March 11th- 10 days- I forced myself up to go to church this morning because I know I won't be able to go for a couple of weeks and I need it. It felt good to be out of my house and in the Lord's house. I just love my church. I love everything about it. Music - amazing, Preaching - amazing, alter call - amazing. Who wouldn't want to be there! After church my Mom and Ray took us to lunch. I haven't seen my Mom in over a week so I was due! I did more today than I have in weeks and my body feels it but still I'm not as bad off as I thought I would be. Maybe I was right, I couldn't get much worse than I already was.
2 comments:
God bless you darlin. I will be keeping you in our prayers.
Thanks!
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