The past week or so, I've been at a point of stillness to listen to what God was teaching and telling me. Mostly, because he pushed me down and won't let me back up. Clearly, the Lord delights in his making me strongwilled. Tonight, I'm just so full that I had to share. I don't know if it's because I'm not drinking enough wine, drinking too much, or listening to too much Hymns Radio on Pandora. Who are we kidding, there is never too much. On a side note, I was in Family Christian the other day and they had a Hymns CD playing and this teenager said to his delinquint friend, "dude, we gotta bounce. I can't take this grandma music much more" I slapped him and demanded the devil to leave him. Anyway, back to my point. I've learned that if you don't let God teach you the lessons he is trying to teach you in the moment, he will have to do it again and who wants that? And what a year of lessons I have learned.
Yesterday, as I set in my Physicians office, like I have SO many times the past 360 days, she was looking up something and said "Oh my gosh, has it really been a whole year?" Exactly. This woman has fought for me, laughed with me, cried with me, prayed with me and for me and without her I don't know how my story would have ended. (I should point out, she is a P.A. not M.D. which is why she is so wonderful) And here I set in her office, sick as I can be with these new, frightening symptoms that only my husband and Liz (the P.A) know about because I try my very best not to be grim and share too much of my buisness. At 1 point, as she is examining me and I started crying in pain, Tony started crying and as I went out of the room for some tests, he was pleading with Liz to find and fix it and we will accept the outcome he just want's his wife back. God love him. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I'd do it again a thousand times.
Through this journey, it's amazed me how many people have commented on how strong I am and what an inspiration I am. I'm humbled by this because I feel anything but. I'm just a girl who had a stupid cancer that isn't looked at as anything serious, and am forced to live with the internal and external scars and life inside a foreign body that is very angry at me for some reason. I guess, I just chose a different approach and humor has gotten me far in life, but shortly after I was diagnosed, I decided instead of crying and yelling, "Why me God?" I would instead just accept it and say "why not me?" I can handle it and many could not. I can use my journey to help others and maybe bring a little joy into the world as well. Yes, I sometimes get frustrated at some people who always find sadness in their life and focus on things that are petty and want to shout, shut up and walk a mile in my house shoes. But then I remember that God chose this journey for me, because again, someone else might not be able to handle it.
Beause he lives I can face tomorrow. Because he lives, ALL fear is gone. Because I know HE holds MY future. Life is worth the living just because HE lives.
Yesterday, as I set in my Physicians office, like I have SO many times the past 360 days, she was looking up something and said "Oh my gosh, has it really been a whole year?" Exactly. This woman has fought for me, laughed with me, cried with me, prayed with me and for me and without her I don't know how my story would have ended. (I should point out, she is a P.A. not M.D. which is why she is so wonderful) And here I set in her office, sick as I can be with these new, frightening symptoms that only my husband and Liz (the P.A) know about because I try my very best not to be grim and share too much of my buisness. At 1 point, as she is examining me and I started crying in pain, Tony started crying and as I went out of the room for some tests, he was pleading with Liz to find and fix it and we will accept the outcome he just want's his wife back. God love him. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I'd do it again a thousand times.
Through this journey, it's amazed me how many people have commented on how strong I am and what an inspiration I am. I'm humbled by this because I feel anything but. I'm just a girl who had a stupid cancer that isn't looked at as anything serious, and am forced to live with the internal and external scars and life inside a foreign body that is very angry at me for some reason. I guess, I just chose a different approach and humor has gotten me far in life, but shortly after I was diagnosed, I decided instead of crying and yelling, "Why me God?" I would instead just accept it and say "why not me?" I can handle it and many could not. I can use my journey to help others and maybe bring a little joy into the world as well. Yes, I sometimes get frustrated at some people who always find sadness in their life and focus on things that are petty and want to shout, shut up and walk a mile in my house shoes. But then I remember that God chose this journey for me, because again, someone else might not be able to handle it.
Beause he lives I can face tomorrow. Because he lives, ALL fear is gone. Because I know HE holds MY future. Life is worth the living just because HE lives.
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